Whether we’re the “apologizer” or “apologizee”, we’ve all dealt with bad-faith arguments and it looks a little something like this:
“Hey, I’m sorry for what I’ve done . . . but I wouldn’t have if you didn’t . . .” (Deflect)
“I won’t do it again I promise . . . you gotta quit making me so angry . . .” (Circumstantial)
Understanding that it’s tempting to defend yourself “even when you’re dead wrong” is an ingrained stubborn defense we’ve been taught; likely through our association with “vulnerability” as being “weakness.”
Next time you’re in a situation where your Ego (Emotional-Go) is taking a hit and you feel that lump rising in the back of your throat, instead of jumping the gun rushing to your own defense, ask yourself: What in me am I protecting? What am I empowering?
Often times when our ego speaks for us it’s just that, the ego we’re protecting. When our ego’s getting beat to crap this is how we begin to fight back, unfortunately:
• Discomfort: Something “said” struck a nerve
• Denial: I’m wrong … But you won’t take me alive!
• Victim-hood: “Ooo … So I’m the bad guy!”
• Relinquish accountability: I need to see myself as better than I truly am and not flawed
• Blame: Unleash the deflection strategy & preserve my self-esteem
When we blame “others,” it enhances “our” sense of being right, allows us to evade discomfort, and solidifies our actions as being justified. We seldom realize that every time we deny ourselves self-accountability, we empower our victim-hood & diminish our self-growth.
. . . Cut it out!
Nip it in the bud: Reduce your Ego
1) “Recognize” . . . it when it occurs
2) “Reflect” . . . What do these feelings serve? What am I protecting?
3) “Cultivate” . . . You are a product of endless mistakes. Mistakes is a mis-take! It’s not over, let’s try this again.